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Raise
a Smile Room
The
funny stories are after the cartoon
Cartoon
of the Day
A
fresh cartoon every day
Today’s
Cartoon by Randy Glasbergen
Posted
with special permission. For more cartoons, please visit Randy’s
Home Page
Randy also has a collection of cartoons
for Christian publishers
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Round
Tuit Christian
Computer Art helps get things done in church, by supplying, free
of charge, the ROUND TUIT!
So
many jobs in the church are left undone because people don’t
have one of these.
“I’ll
attend church when I get a round tuit”, people say. “I’ll
definitely clean up the church garden when I get a round tuit”.
“Of course I’ll write an article for the church magazine.
I’ll get a round tuit sometime.” “I feel bad about
not visiting the sick. I must get a round tuit.”
You
hear it all the time. Christian Computer Art is now offering you
the electronic round tuit.
Download
the image on the left, copy it as many times as you like and give
one to everyone in your church who’s waiting for a round
tuit! |
Why
Fire Engines are Red
-
Fire engines have four wheels and carry eight fire fighters
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Four plus eight equals twelve
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There are twelve inches in a foot
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A foot is a common size for a ruler
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Queen Elizabeth is a ruler
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The Queen Elizabeth is a large ocean-going liner
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Oceans have fish
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Fish have fins
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The Finns fought the Russians
-
The Russians are red
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Fire engines are always rushin’ around
That’s
why fire engines are red.
If
you think this is weird, then listen to some kids’ excuses
for not attending Sunday School! |
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Granny
Boasts
The
little boy came home from his first day at Sunday School. He told
his mother that his Sunday school teacher was Jesus' granny. "How
do you make that out?", mum asked. "Well, she never stops talking
about Jesus," he replied. |
Wrong
destination
Having
a common name like "Smith" must cause some difficulties at times,
especially when you also have a popular Christian name. In one street
there were two Smith families where the husband was named "Bill".
The Rev.Bill Smith had just passed away. The businessman Bill Smith,
however, went on a business trip to India. His plane was diverted
to a different airport. He sent a telegram to his wife, but it was
delivered to the wrong Mrs. Smith. It read:
Arrived
safely, but not where I thought I was going. Terribly hot here.
All my love, Bill. |
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Backhanded
Compliments
or what Freud said to the pastor....
- "I
don't care what people say, I like your sermons"
- A
vicar was preparing to leave his parish. In order to avoid a
particular parishioner being sad, he said "Don't worry, you'll
probably get a better man". "Not necessarily," replied the parishioner,
"that's what the last one said before he left."
- YALE
university received a visit from a Bishop who took the letters
Y.A.L.E. as points for his sermon. He spoke on Y for Youth for
several minutes, A for Ambition for quite a while. By the time
he got halfway through his L for Loyalty his congregation was
nodding off, so he cut down his E for Energy to just a few minutes.
Afterwards the students were commenting on how boring the sermon
was until one optimist piped up: "At least we're not at the
Massachusetts Institute of Technology!"
- "You
always find something to fill up the time"
- A
parishioner had undergone a serious operation and was still
under the influence of the sedative when the vicar came, so
the vicar just said a prayer and left. The next day he returned
and asked the patient if he had been aware of his visit. "I
vaguely remember your visit yesterday. I remember opening my
eyes and thinking 'I can't be in Heaven because there is the
vicar'."
- When
a bishop visited one of his remoter parishes, he was surprised
to find only five people in the congregation. He said to the
vicar "Did you tell the people I was coming?". The vicar replied
"No, but Heaven help the person who did!"
|
| Y2K?
- No, YZeroK! Are
you still working on the Y zero K problem?. This change from BC
to AD is still giving us a lot of headaches and we haven't much
time left. I don't know how people will cope with working the wrong
way round . Having been working happily downward forever, now we
have to start thinking upwards. You would think that someone would
have thought of it earlier and not left it to us to sort out at
the last minute.
I
spoke to Caesar the other evening. He was livid that Julius hadn't
done something about it when he was sorting out the calendar. He
said he could see why Brutus turned nasty. We called in Consultus,
but he simply said that continuing downwards using minus BC won't
work and as usual charged a fortune for doing nothing useful. Surely
we will not have to throw out all our hardware and start again?.
Macrohard will make yet another fortune out of this I suppose.
The
money lenders are paranoid of course!. They have been told to that
all usury rates will invert and they will have to pay their clients
to take out loans. It's an ill wind.......................
-.
As for myself, I just can't see the sand in an hourglass flowing
upwards. We've heard that there are three wise men in the East who
have been working on the problem, unfortunately they won't arrive
until it's all over.
I
have heard that there are plans to stable all the horses at midnight
at the turn of the year as there are fears that they will stop and
try to run backwards, causing immense damage to chariots and possible
loss of life. Some say the world will cease to exist at the moment
of transition.
Anyway,
we are still continuing to work on this blasted Y zero K problem.
I will send a parchment to you if anything further develops.
If
have any ideas, please let me know
Yours,
Plutonius. |
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More jokes
at Holy Joke
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you got a story to tell? Post
it on the noticeboard.
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This
is the relaxation area attached to our Christian Computer Graphics shop.
Feel free to enjoy what it offers and have a virtual cup of coffee on
us!